“I’m Not Interesting Enough” is a Social Trap.

I believed a lie for a long time. And if you’re shy or introverted, maybe you’ve believed it too.

It goes like this:

Last month, I watched a friend, a self-proclaimed introvert, walk into a party, strike up a conversation with a stranger, and leave with three new Instagram followers. When I asked her secret, she shrugged:

The Anxiety Trap of Social Performance

The “perform or perish” mindset is a scam.

Because when you’re busy rehearsing your next line or judging your last one, you’re not actually there. You’re trapped in a mental courtroom where every pause is evidence against you.

But here’s the truth: No one notices your “performance” as much as you do.

The awkward silence you’re agonizing over? The other person is probably relieved for the breather.

The joke that didn’t land? They’ve already forgotten it.

The fact that you’re quiet? They might assume you’re thoughtful, not boring.

Meanwhile, the pressure to “be good at socializing” turns interactions into high-stakes exams. And exams are exhausting.

The Magic of “What Can I Learn Here?”

Curiosity is the antidote to performance anxiety.

When you focus on learning about someone else—their quirks, passions, pet peeves—you stop monitoring your own “social metrics.” You trade the spotlight for a flashlight, shining it outward instead of inward.

I’ve a personal anecdote.

I used to go to a sandwich store regularly and greet the owner, Sandra. One day, instead of defaulting to weather talk, I told her “I noticed the sign outside has a different color now.”

One thing led to another, and she told me that she, as a business owner:

• has learned to pay attention to detail,
• remembers everyone even the ones who hurt her,
• and has only recently learned how to let go.

That was deep. All sparked by asking about the change in paint color.

Curiosity works because:

• It gives you a mission (discover something new)
• It makes others feel valued (people love talking about themselves)
• It skips awkwardness (questions are built-in conversation fuel)

I Tried It Both Ways

For years, I treated socializing like a job interview. I’d script talking points, panic if conversations veered off-track, and leave events feeling like I’d failed a test.

Then I learned about my friend’s curiosity trick.

At a networking event, she asked a CEO, “What’s a problem you’re obsessed with solving right now?” He talked for 10 minutes straight about sustainable packaging. She asked follow-up questions. He called her “a great conversationalist” as they left. She’d said maybe 20 words.

Turns out, “being interesting” is overrated. Being interested is the cheat code.

How to Practice Curiosity (Without Overthinking)

You can practice curiosity in 3 steps:

1. Prep 3 “detective questions” before events:
• What inspired you to do that?
• How was your experience with it?
• Would you do it again?
2. Play the 70/30 game: Aim to listen 70% of the time, talk 30%. If you’re shy, let this ratio silence your inner critic—you’re supposed to talk less.
3. Embrace the “awkward”: If your mind blanks, say, “Wait, I just realized I never asked you…” and pivot to a question. Vulnerability humanizes you.

The Bottom Line

Socializing isn’t a talent show. It’s a scavenger hunt.

Your goal isn’t to impress. It’s to discover.

These tiny discoveries add up to connection.

You don’t need to perform. You just need to notice.

Will you still feel awkward sometimes? Of course. But awkwardness fades.

Regret for never trying? That sticks around.

The next time you’re stuck in your head, ask yourself: “What can I learn here?”

It doesn’t just work. It’s way more fun than performing.

- Albert